Big Country: "Look at those little Niglets."

           "How could you pass up $18?!?"

Only in Iowa...

JB: "It's probably just negatively charged from the friction"

Shoe: "Ha, i'll buy that JB. A knife. At goddamn Applebees.

[Continues to laugh about "Negatively Charged Ions"]

JB: "See, when you let women out of the kitchen all they do is wander around."

TTT: "Mr. Dirksen, do we have to fill in all the elements?"

[to me] "Wait, they're elements right?"

    "Like, I wouldn't hate em, but I'd be pissed."

Big Country: "No they're not."

Me: "Well they're at least somewhat funny."

Big Country: "No they're not Phil. They are a race that should be exterminated off the face of the planet."

JB: "They're called wiglets."

Kara: "Oh, I thought you were the man that checked out gas meter."

Me: "Suzie, you can score on me anyday"

Me: "It's just puke man."

JB: "No it's not, it's Conor's girlfriend's puke."

[Referring to his legs in the third person]

[apparently my language is far superior to others, so if I use too big of words please tell me]

Me: Do you concede your loss?

Anne: whats that mean?

ShellyBelly1008: sly? what does sly mean?

Phillies721: Oh wow, you never cease to amaze me michelle

ShellyBelly1008: i never CEASE to amaze you? what the f***?

ShellyBelly1008: i think i've heard that in history class, but i didn't understand the sentence!

[...girls scare me somedays]

Chubsistalking: Just use some crands and make a picture

Phillies721: Crands?

Chubsistalking: Yeah, whoever spelled that word hard should DIE.

[.....oh my god]

Hersheekissez919: what does hustle mean?

[The daily comments like these just make me wanna cry]

Bazzah K: Puhlease, I beat up kids like you on my way to fights

Phillies721: hahaha where'd you get that from

Bazzah K: Me, cause that's what i do

Kylekid1234: I'm pretty sure he'd suck your dick if you beat him at pool

Phillies721: HAHAHA is that some sort of a canadien insult?

Kylekid1234: Everybody knows canadiens are the funniest people on the planet.

-"Ok? OK."

-"You guys don't have homework but that doesn't necessarily mean you don't have homework if you know what I mean."

-"Just hear me out guys..."

-"You don't need a notebook folder or pencil, just a good attitude."

-"RESPECT THE LINE!!"

Anne: "Ummm, she doesn't play or do anything...she has blonde hair?"

Grandpa Kennedy: "So who's more cool these days?"

Sarah: "I'm a jew."

[Knew That?]

Me: "I don't know what I was thinkin when I took the Lexus, Tom's dad is an ogre, there's no way he'd fit."

Mama K: "Tom's dad is not an ogre! He's a very nice man."

[ohhhh mom...]

Barrett: "Doesn't that come with a free t-shirt?"

  "Don't go to parties with metal detectors. Sure, it feels safe inside...but what about all those niggas wiggin outside with guns? They know YOU ain't got one."

          Chris Rock - No Sex in the Champagne Room

Me: "I dunno man..."

Shoe: "40+ I bet. Tommy and his college friends were there too...the whole town knew about this one."

[uhhh...]

"What You'll Find About Our Country... is that We make monster trucks for fun.

We made a dragster that goes 0-330 mph in under 5 seconds...because we were bored.

Piss us off and then see what we build."

Papa K: "Hurry up kids, stuff all you can in your pockets."

Dirksen: "Aw cool."

Sub. Teacher Roleff: "You've been very very naughty..."

Papa K: "So you wanna go out to eat at Hooligans or somethin?"

Me: "Houlihans dad?"

Papa K: "I said that didn't I?"

Michelle: "I mean cmon, I'm in the quote book and I'm not stupid!"

[You can hear Tom laughing in the background...]

Homer: "A financial panther eh?"....

   [Guy: "Mr. Simpson, you're $1,000 Overdue."

    Homer: "Oh, am I? I must've forgot....(wild

     panther appears) GET 'IM SHEEBA!"]

Homer: "I'll DO it!"

Jared: "No...um, this is the back."

Tiff: "OoOoOoOoh..."

Cate: "MEN-EH-SA-TA... I forgot how to say MEN-EH-SA-TA?"

Me: "This thing HAS to be illegal. The 'Global Visual Tracking' program isn't even found in Symantec's A-Z list of products for the entire company.

Tombomb: "I dunno what crazy sh** you got goin on, but when the CIA comes... I got your back."

Boo: "Have you ever seen Phil wearing running shoes?"

Trav: "Phil looks like an athlete now."

Kid: "...and the winner for the best thong award - excuse me, best song award is..."

 

      "Universities don't care. They would just say 'Oh, he isn't hacking it? take an F.'"

Tim: "Yeah that's right. Then just add the bubbles in. Wait - not bubbles...asymptotes."

 

   This story of Tim made my day. He got pulled out of gym class to find a lady who tells him his dad is coming to pick him up because his grandma died. He sits outside in his gym shorts and a jacket for a half hour. Finally, he goes inside to call his mom...

"Mom? Why isn't dad here?"

"Dad?? What're you talking about?"

"Grandma died, he's coming to pick me up."

"WHAT? Your grandma is just fine, I saw her earlier."

    So he goes back and they tell him 'THEY GOT THE WRONG KID, IM SORRY'. HAHAHA you administration ladies need more to do than pull pranks like that, that's just straight up below the belt.

Tombomb: "Phil, guess what, somebody asked me how to spell a word."

         "What a sucker. It was an easy one, but still."

Me: "HAHA oh man, what word?"

Tombomb: "Noise."

Me: "Jesus, who asked you?"

Tombomb: "Damn the story gets worse and worse...Paul did. BUT STILL..."

Me: "I just had to stomp and piss on that story, it was too fun"

Tombomb: "You so did. It was like a confidence high to a zero."

 

Me: "Oh man, that was the coolest thing ever, Bob watch this."

....watches

Bob: "Did he save it?"

[hint: there were no pucks involved and don't even be that stupid to question if a soccer ball was there.]

Sellars: "So Henry VIII wanted an anullment (divorce for all you slow kids) on his marriage. He asks the pope and pope is like 'sorry man, no can do' and Henry VIII is like 'jigga wha?'."

Tiff: "It must be for Avigation class"

[......avigation?]

Aubrie: "I like brad, he's got a lotta junk in the trunk."

Michelle: "Whaaa? You like his ass?"

Aubrie: "No, junk in the trunk. he's got a big dick."

[I dunno about you, but my car trunk is in the back... I gotta start messin with chicks more often]

Lauren: "Do we get to see the animals?"

[No, they just all hibernate for winter.]

[I'm still not so sure I believe this...]

Big Red Rusty: "... and (name) scored double digit scores last night in the girl's bball game..."

Heidi: "What's double digits mean?"

[Only thing funny about this was because tiff answered her question...correctly]

Paul: "It would be so random. There wouldn't be a theme or anything in the book."

Me: "Oh well... I'd buy it."

Paul: "I'd buy 100,000 just so I could be a best-seller... Harry Potter here I come."

[So true...]

 

TBro107: "Where is the love with you girls, you all claim to love each other, turn your back and the claws come out and you all attack each other...if you ask me, your "love" of one another seems very fabricated."

TBro107: "they thought it was some big secret what [fabricated] meant. They even asked Fletcher."

Movie: And the light is sent through a prism - and divided into separate colors...

Sellars [Pauses  Movie]: "Or Else Pink Floyd. Whatever works for ya."

Mrs. Gillen: "Ok, if you had no other choice. You had a gun to your head. How would you solve this..."

Rob: "I'd personally take the bullet."

Katie: "Yeah, I think they're putting in a service tower (for verizon) up by the cabin."

Meghan: "God I sure hope so! They have that guy that says 'Can you hear me now?', and I can't hear him!!"

Papa K: "So is this the glove that barrett says you can get shot with and you'll be okay?"

Me: "Bout right." [take and put on left hand because thumb is messed up on right hand]

Papa K: "Why'd you buy it for your left? Don't you need it for your right?"

[Note: This glove most obviously has no sides. It's for both hands.]

Mr. Pehl: "I'm gonna sit here and say 'por que' until I get a volunteer."

       "Por que. Por que. Por que. Por que. Por que. Por que. Por que. Por que. Por que. Por que. Por que. Por que... [solid 5 min goes by] I need a friggen oxygen tank. Ok, pedro! You take over."

Mitty: "Por que. Por que......[continues] "

Me: "Wtf?? Trav you moron, pi is always 3.14 something"

Trav: "Whoa, yeah ok. Messed up. How do you find the RADIUS if the diameter is 20."

Me: "Sweet jesus trav."

Tom: "Damn Phil, for a kid who doesn't do drugs... honestly."

Phillies721: haha yes he is black
Phillies721: last name rock
CHUBSISTALKING: KID ROCK!

[Does anybody NOT know the answer?]

Sellars: "And the answer to number 15 is... bizzle."

[I zone out... until I hear my name called.]

[Tom shows me that he magically got his pencil stuck in his own shoe]

[Both Laugh]

Gillen: "Let's do POT. Wait NO!...."

Mrs. Gillen: "I always bake on those days."

Me:"Do you even know where the Oilers are from?"

Ally: "They're from Oklahoma right?"

Me: "Jesus No. They're from Edmonton."

Carolyn: "Where's Edmonton?"

Munoz: "Oh, Phil. Using such big words. Extra points for me for actually knowing what's going on."

Altmann: "If you do that, I'll KILL you!"

Larissa: "Because sine blah blah [stupid math talk] blah."

Mrs. Gillen: "Oh God. I'm gonna have to go to happy hour tonight."

Sports announcements: "...and going to the downhill ski championships is Brett Yager."

Sellars: "MEISTER!"

[Sits down like nothing happened and starts pretending to sing into and mic and dance.]

[I look at the periodic table that is in my line of view across Michelles desk.]

[Michelle glances up at me and turns like I was trying to copy off her.]

[Makes noise.]

Tiff: "So We called JB because we thought he was out driving, but we didn't know that you guys had taken his car. So we call him up and it's all quiet, and we asked him where he was. He pause for awhile and then said he was at Applebee's, but he obviously wasn't because it was all quiet, and then he just hung up. We keep trying to call him, getting all scared, but he keeps hanging up on us everytime. [the chicks were in my room] We hear something quick go into the bathroom and we got really scared because we didn't know who it was! And they were in the bathroom for like 10 min, and then finally, JB comes out."

Me: "Yeah, don't you guys hang out with Kelly Schaffer a lot?"

Tiff: "Um.. no, I don't even know who that is. Like I recognize the name but I can't match it to the face."

[this continues to go for awhile....]

Me: "Kelly Schaffer? Are you serious? The senior babe with brown hair?"

Tiff: "Wait. KELLY Schaffer? Haha OoOoOohhhh!"

Me: "Tiff, you got the whole damn rainbow on your speech."

Tiff: "Nuh uh. It's the alphabet. Wait what? Ohhhh yeah I do."

Wartman: "Labatt Blue? That's such a bad stereotype for hockey players. Why don't you have a shirt that says: 'Hey, we drink!' What you SHOULD have is a jersey that says 'Get Good Grades'."

Counselor: "Who of you are the first to graduate of your immediate family siblings from high school?"

[a couple hands]

          "Everybody has older siblings that graduated?"

Andy: "...Wait, like your parents too?"

Slowly raises hand...

Leah: "That actually makes you get less sleep."

 

[Gage raises hand...]

Gage: "I'm gonna be Successful."

[I knew what she meant... but still, when you hear somethin like that comin from tiff, it makes you hesitate for a second before you can answer.]

"Would the following 11th graders please come down to lecture room C. (...) Joe...sigh...Carkadecki?..."

Michelle: "Kt is wayy cooler than me...haha just kiddin. Wait, what?"

 

[Note: If you know anyone who does - hit them please.]

Courtney T: "I gotchu bitches outta skoo."

[k, correct me if I'm wrong, which isn't even possible, but doesn't english = england = british?]

Gleason: "Dude this is a hardass class, this is gonna be such a long tri."

Omar: "Wait, what class is this?"

Gleason: "This is advanced -"

Omar: "Whoa - wrong class."

Me: "Turn down the bass."

Lisa: "Wait, if you say turn down the bass, does that mean turn it up or turn it down?"

 

Bri: "It wasn't my fault, it was the Ice's fault!"

Brian: "Dude you actually have to pay attention in this class, we're gonna use it so much later on in life."

[nobody knows what to say]

Brian: "....wait. No we're not."

Jenn: "g-r-a-w-e-l-i-n-g?"

Jenn: "Dogs can jack off?"

    "Congratulations!"

    "...are you embarrassed?"

          "Taunted? is that even a word?"

Courtney: "Is it (bass) or (base)?"

 

Eagan AM: Make a "peace pact" with your friends...

          DON'T CARRY A GUN.

Shoe: "Yeah tell me!"

Boo: "Nah, I'll tell ya later."

Shoe: "... NO. Tell me now."

 

 

[HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA]

BiG aL k 06: what the hell is a gangly kid. ??

...... to boo

T IvIoney08: like mom like daughter

[note to reader... she's a sophomore in high school]

Jenn: "Rethank?"

[thought again?]

Loerch: "and who's beautiful drawing is this?"

[kid walks up]

 "It's a line."

"Ryan Peterson, Jake (No typo) Heidrick, and..."

Stevens: "And in other news: Happy 4/20! I'm gonna go blaze up right now..."

Me: :We get to go out to eat before matches and such."

Courtney: "You should send us some pizza in the mail."

 she was entirely serious

Mrs. Gillen looking for a sign...gives up:

 "Just follow me cause I'm not gonna die."

Rohr: "You guys might as well not even move, there's no way we'd make it out alive anyway."

Mr. Ness: on phone "Yeah can we get a ruling on mechanical pencils?"

Me: "Wide?"

Jenn: "Length, width... same thing."

Me: "They can be up to a 2 miles wide."

Jenn: "Nuh uh! Have you ever seen the movie Twister?!"

Me: "Prove it."

Court: "My math teacher told me."

 

Katie: "Name it Mrs. Christiansen so I can kill it."

Katie: "Think if phil had a hamster named shinguard?!"

Jenn: "You ate 200 pounds?"

Mrs. Gillen: "I like 420."

[this thing does EVERYTHING... how do we afford this stuff]

Anne: "Does it record what you say??"

Trav: "Jb give it a kiss"

JB: "Trav, it's BLACK."

 

[Handwritten story in notebook]

     Barrett: "I guess nish's neighbors were cambodian and i stole their food."

     Greigs: "Naked mile 1/2 run."

     [kate lady hard on]

    dude i'm starving

    tupperware (arrow) stirkfry: good as fu**

               cambodian

    Brad: "Bring back tupperware (w/ clothes on) Nish pissed.

   whodo you think you are? (30X)

    Katy seduces kyle into going asleep

    3rd time, tupperware in fridge

    steal a pair of socks from tony (boney)

    By rink (arrow) Gazebo (arrow) library (arrow) rolling down hill (arrow) 7 cars in a row

    Greigs - picks him up (arrow) church on wescott lexington

    SHI* STOMPED, Barrett was.

 

[there aren't any typos.... this is how it is]

[within 5 minutes we had him determinately convinced that it was my birthday today...5/9]

Jimbo: "That your rock? aight, we're set then."

Busher: "Do I look black?"

Me: "Alright you two better shutup or else you're getting stuck."

Bry: [row up, facing other way, starts laughing] "Yeah, with a KNIFE!"

[probably have to know pig story in order to make sense]

Jenn: stops, looks up "Whoa, I just looked at that kid in the black shirt and saw my dad."

Loerch: "Nicholas Ambroz I will bend you over my knee and spank you!"

Tom: "Hey phil, what're you doing about your voting project?"

Me: "Aw damn I dunno? Hey Mrs. Gillen, what do i do about that voting project?"

Mrs. Gillen: "Phil, we talked all about this yesterday, I told you I'll have to give you a little test."

[alzheimer's]

Jenn: "We havetwo other people to split the cost with."

Me: "Can me and Harmon come?"

Jenn: "You're going with a boy?"

[RIP Harmon, 5/13/05]

Saxton: "Beto!"

Fritze: "This Beto or Beto 2? (bryant who sits directs behind him)"

Saxton: "Beto con Lyme's Disease!"

Jenn: "Ew!"

Tony: "Hannah's a babe dude."

Lukin: "Yeah, only play you'll ever get!"

Tony: "Hey man, pussy's pussy."

Katie: "He's so cute though!"

Mrs. Gillen: chuckles "Hehe, yeah... he is."

[Entire left row of the classroom added up to a total score of one half (.5) out of 20 points. 3 kids with zeros and Carchedi pulled through with a clutch 1/2 point.]

 

Jenn: showing off bruises "I bruise so easily!"

          "Oh yay! I'm in the quotes again!"

Jenn: "Mitch has been dressing really good lately, props to him."

Dad: "Who is this?"

Me: "...Dad... it says Bri on the card."

Dad: "Is she a senior?"

 

"Congratulations to boys golf and Jake Heidrick for shooting a 71 on thursday."

[Entire class laughs]

Mrs. Strait: [yelling above laughing] "Hey! You don't have to listen but this is important to some people."

Tiff: "He loves me I swear!"

Me: "Tiff, he hates you. At least that's what he told me."

Tiff: "Nuh uh Phil, you're never at bry's cause you're too busy doing your quotes."

Peter: "Wait, was Jamie in the car?"

Me: "Abby you know what the stunner is?"

Abby: makes jab motion and buzzing noise

Me: "No, that's a tazer...Tiff, you know what the stone cold stunner is?"

Tiff: "Hey pothead... sh!"

Me: "Finke what award did you get today?"

Finke: "Award? Juniors can get awards?"

Tomb: "Oh so you just woke up this morning and felt like getting glamorous?"

"Dance from your heart

Dance what you feel

That's how you know

The dancer is real"

 

 

Jenn: [reading past quotes] "What's a cold stone stunner?"

[class laughs....quiets down]

[aubrie starts laughing hysterically in the back]

[even I stop zoning out and look at her]

Rohr:"....is that it, or...?"

JB: [on monday] "Hey how was the U2 concert?"

Jenn reads outloud: "You did a funny dance as if you had a snake in your pants."

[completely serious]

Michelle: "Psh, i dunno. Get fat?"

"If the Bears can sleep in the woods, than I can sleep in the woods."

Nate Fowler: "In your mind, what are the chances that a mexican could cross the border and get away with it?"

Kaylee: "uhhhhh.."

Rohr: "Do you mean whether it would be easier or harder with new presidents?"

Nate: "No, I was thinking more like a percentage."

Me: "Abby what question did you ask?"

Abby: "I asked (blah blah blah.)"

Me: "What was the answer?"

Abby: "I dunno? I wasn't really listening."

Tiff: "Chavez is anti-americanism...wait anti-american...wait... anti-american.... ism."

CourtyBear06: how long is urs?
Phillies721: 2 and heif
CourtyBear06: pages?
Phillies721: no, words
Phillies721: haha wow
CourtyBear06: no really

bj908: you carve wood, i lift weights
bj908: were even
Phillies721: haha deal

ShellyBelly1008: yeah well i feel bad i dont wanna make my parents pay for everything

[I dunno about you guys but I'll take all the money I can...]

Papa Mike: "What's that....a quarter? .225? or wait..... is it .250? It's the same as 2/8 right?

[hardcore laughing]

".225!"

Barrett: "Phil, write that down."

Papa Mike: "Hey I was close! I said .225 first!"

[yeah I get those two mixed up all the time... just make sure you write "collage" on your application essay to college]

[whoaaaaa....]

[note this is after we didn't have a tuesday and had been flying for 8 and a half hours...]

Thick english accent:

"Will Dirty Dildo come to the security office?"

[supposedly she said BETTY Dildo but I still don't believe it]

British guys makin fun of the abundant indian (no not native americans, don't even...) population in England:

"Must wash elephant!"

Mama K: "Yeah, but he has a lotta money, I think he's gonna make it through."

Jb: "This is from the girl who doesn't know where the Eiffel Tower is."

Tiff: "I think this helps your brain. You have to look everywhere really fast and I think it helps your brain."

 

[later..... kt dominating]

Tiff: "See? Kt has a good brain, she's doing really good."

 

[I got kids all kinds of fucked up on geography now]

Jenn: "Did you see the Eiffel tower?"

[she pulled it AGAIN. She was TOTALLY serious]

Kirschbaum: "You are obsessed with french."

Me: "What? it's not even french, I don't even know any french."

Kirschbaum: "Yes huh. you told me it was french when you were talking about that french tiger."

[ayyayayayayiiiii]

megs2431: nothign what ru doing tongiht
bj908: going to bed early
megs2431: interesing...
bj908: i've got a long day tomarrow
megs2431: football?
bj908: no i start a new job
megs2431: where?
bj908: i have to lay concrete
megs2431: oic
bj908: yea its really hard work
megs2431: i bet

 "Dude, you guys can't tell him I said this he'll stomp my face."

"No really... I'm being serious... (starts going around the room naming people) Barrett, Phillip, Dane, Jake and...?"

(another 5 min of thinking)

"Barrett... phillip.... and... KELSEY! HI KELSEY"

MJPGOLF20: seriously
MJPGOLF20: im sic of this shit

[project get mitty laid effective Sept 6, 2005]

Lauren: "You can have some of mine, mitch."

[I wasn't there so I don't really know how she said it but from the story I got it didn't seem like she knew what we were talking about]

[for all of you who don't find this funny... look on your driver's license, it's called a loon.]

Mitty: "do her parents even exist?"

 

[long but well worth quotes page]

Abby: "Wait, so the fire really is upside down?"

Megan: "If your middle name was Eugene, your initials would be Fuk!"

Sturdivant: "What day is it?"

Shoe: "Everything is everywhere man!!"

Shoe: "I feel like I'm going through a haunted house right now."

[all tom did was take pictures with him]

Grogs: "Ali nice of you to show up."

Ali: "What? There's 30 min left, that's like... a half an hour!"

 

[Mitty shows up]

Ali: "Mitch you're here! there's like like 9 minutes left or a third of a half!"

Homeroom Teacher: "I love johnsons!"

cathockey22: damn wish i got them athletic jeans
Phillies721: HAHA
Phillies721: no way you're being serious
Phillies721: genes?
Phillies721: hahah did i just get finke into the quotes?
cathockey22: hell yeah
cathockey22: lol
Phillies721: HAHAHHA YUSSSSSSSSs
Phillies721: my life is complete
cathockey22: heres the deal
cathockey22: let me compensate

    [haha he got all pissed and tried to throw big words at me]
Phillies721: haha i don't barter quotes
Phillies721: it's a done deal nigga
cathockey22: by saying jeans you know what i meant, and by knowing what i meant justifies that i communicated effectively, and right now we are communicating, therefore... just fuck it
cathockey22: you got me

cathockey22: damn damn damn
cathockey22: i deserve it tho
cathockey22: that was bad

    So I'm sittin at home after soccer today when my mom calls me up to come see my godparents from montana. We see each other like every five years so i get dressed, walk up there and right when I see her i just know... im gonna mess up, but i can't just NOT guess cause we always play this game cause she knows i forget all the time. 50-50 chance... went with Siegrid... turns out that's the daughter. Walking back down the stairs I mutter a fu**in' eh which couldn't make it any worse, was heard by her husband, TOTALLY forgetting that her husband is a pastor. Don't get me wrong these people are the coolest relatives you could ever have, but this meeting was a disaster.

   After damn near shooting myself I felt it was only fair to include the fact that 30 seconds after i butcher my impossible test of names, she comes right back with a "Barrett". HAHA keep in mind these are my GOD PARENTS. Alleluja we're even, im out and never wanna hear about this again.

Megan: "John looks like he's in a staring contest all the time."

Uncle John: "Jb you better move cause this ball is comin in on FIRE!"

Kirschbaum: "Wait...it's not a manual is it??? I thought all volkswagons were manual?"

Chwaaaav!: "Yeah phil, you probably killed a sloth in the tree forest"

[Ever seen a forest without a tree?]

Cara: "Oh my god! How big was his weiner?!"

Mrs. Langhoff: "I've had many a rear-end in my day!" ...looks to ceiling, laughs to herself...

Sarah: "Ali was counting how many people to make the reservation for dinner and she has nine fingers up and she goes... 'OK! so 19 people for dinner!'"

Shoe: "SCHUSTER! SCHUSTER! SCHUSTER!"

[he chants his own name when he's up there]

Me: "The cougars? We at least came up with something totally different like the lightening."

Schlittler: "what're you talking about?"

Me: "You know how we split? lakeville did the same thing."

Schlittler: "Wait, Eagan is gonna split!?"

 

 

Firenish228: hahaha i here that
Firenish228: aahhh barrett you never siez to amaze me

 

HottMarty18: come on dude u can do everything better when u got
3-6 beers in ya so get really wasted tonight and by the time its
game time u'll have 3-6 beers still left in ur system and u'll
get like 80 goals
BazzahK: bahahahaha

robbiev311: arod mvp
BazzahK: johan
robbiev311: hes worse than wollan
BazzahK: enjoy hell, thats blasphemy

robbiev311: i amm sooooo much gayer
BazzahK: you wish


this is a classic story, i couldnt believe it was happenin:
i'm doin homework with a couple guys and this kid thomas (he
doesnt go by tom)whos like 5'4" walks in wearin a blue shirt
that just says mathematics on the front and pinchin his nose
with a kleenex.  i ask him if he got popped in the nose, he says
"no, its just bleeding, ghaaachk"  in a hilarious voice cuz his
nose is pinched.  he sits down and leans his head back and says
"its been goin for like 2 weeks, wait no, like 1 week, it keeps
bleeding and drying" ::ghaaach noise again::  so then he starts
talkin about sine and cosine of theta at an angle with the
integral in terms of dr to find the working force, still holding
his nose.  before he leaves he says "i'm gonna take over the
world someday"  i stared in awe as he walked out the door.

skatz 18: hes gonna get disowned if he doesnt come back to coach..
skatz 18: im assuming annie already did thats why she's dissapeared off the face of the earth
Phillies721: haha no kidding
Phillies721: what the hell happened to her
skatz 18: im tellin you, she was kicked out of the family because she decided to get a life, unlike the rest of them

supergurl0723: if we lose tomarrow
supergurl0723: i think im jsut gonna go to where ever everyone is
supergurl0723: and just be like anyone wanna wrestle?
supergurl0723: and just beat the shit outa someone
Phillies721: hahaha
Phillies721: what if you run into a big girl
supergurl0723: phil
supergurl0723: i am the big girl
supergurl0723: what if everyone else runs into me

 

 

Firenish228: ya so im coming home this weekend then im going to
stout u in?
BazzahK: fuckin a i wish
BazzahK: saturday i assume?
Firenish228: no friday
BazzahK: oh, well damn
Firenish228: why cant you go
BazzahK: game sat at 730
Firenish228: on friday
BazzahK: saturday
Firenish228: ooo in the mourning
BazzahK: what?
Firenish228: at night then
BazzahK: yea the game is
Firenish228: alright never mind im retarded
Firenish228: so why cant you go on friday?
BazzahK: haha fuck nish, cuz i have a game saturday
Firenish228: 730 in the mourning?
BazzahK: ouch nish ouch
BazzahK: you been huffin pam tonight nish?
Firenish228: you know it so it is in the mourning

 

Scholastica Head Soccer Coach...didn't change a word:

  "I thought Moe gave you an application, if
he didn't sorry.  You can excess it online at
https://www.css.edu/app/admissions/new_apply.cfm "
[if you don't realize why this is dude is retarded please hit yourself and spare the back of my hand.]

Kirschbaum: "Um..... is it ELF?"

Some Dumbass Hockey Kid: "Did you get that when you were in Italy?"

http://www.thebestpageintheuniverse.net/c.cgi?u=irule2

Phillies721: where to?

bj908: hopefully to kill a wild beast
Phillies721: oh yeah? up north im assuming.... what's the best place to hunt anyway... way north like Eli, or more brainerd faribault kinda thing

bj908: i'm goin to mankato
bj908: i have no clue wheer the best place to go is
bj908: probably on the fucking freeway, u always see deer there

[Let's go hunting on 35E this weekend]

[can we get a slow clap for this one? Congratufuckyoulations]

Phillies721: what's beerpong?

[Can we carbon date this thing? it probably goes back to before the millenium.. I mean honestly how old is this thing, it's like diggin up what once was a really cool lookin rock that corroded into dust. Again, congratulations but a little late.]

[Chlorophyll kids, read up on it.]

[ok, I might be wrong.... but is it not windy in the spring fall and winter too?]

but wait.. she didn't stop there...

Phillies721: is it not windy in the summer????
PoRtSk8er87: no not as windy
PoRtSk8er87: its especially windy in the FALL!
PoRtSk8er87: m i the only one that pays attention to seasons here

 

[i laugh for awhile about this]

PoRtSk8er87: its true
PoRtSk8er87: it is windy out in the fall!
PoRtSk8er87: AND people for some reason dont know this
Phillies721: haha nobody knows it but you?
PoRtSk8er87: U DROPPED 1001X BY SAYIN THT

[I'm gonna write a book on how to argue with retards.]

Phillies721: it just seems everytime i talk to you all you ever excited about doing for sure is drinking on the weekend
Phillies721: get*
supergurl0723: your making me feel bad
supergurl0723: way to remind me that thats alli  have
Phillies721: all you have?
Phillies721: baby girl you're my everything
Phillies721: haha whoaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Phillies721: wrong box

Kid: "Ok wow. My search didn't work... I'm just gonna type in book."

[best part was how long it took for him to get his 2 million plus results]

McCall: "How do you do that?"

Me: "Do what, the letter of rec sheet?"

McCall: "Yeah!"

Me: "Uh, you just fill it out and hand it to the teacher you want to do it...?"

McCall: "Wait, do I have to fill it out before I give it to em?"

The question was: What's your favorite TV show?

Sunny: "Ummm.... Hollywood lesbians?"

 

Hack: "Phil, are you Italian?"

[Yup, totally fit the small, dark hair green/brown eyes stereotype]

Nig: "Hey, ya'll see that asian chick over there?? She is so fine. DAAAAAAAAAMN... I'm 33 but I still might have to bust out my R.Kelly card on that bitch!"

Abby: "You know who you should wall smash on thursday?"

Tiff: "Jimi Hendrix? Didn't he go to our school last year??"

   Ally Nordgaard is for some reason sliding around on a cardboard box she flattened, like a skateboard. She stops, nobody really pays attention. I happen to look over and watch Emily run across the hallway and try to slide on the box until she totally bites it, not even catching herself with her hands, free fall to the back.

  Emily is sittin in her desk, drops a marker or somethin. Bends down to reach for it and completely flips out of her desk, not even catching herself with her hands, just floor to dome.

Emily: "So you're a weak D?"

Gage: "I hate those guys. I only like one song from them...Sweet Home Alabama."

KylWl8: how do u spell kwanza???
Phillies721: haha dude she won't know either

Phillies721: how do you drive back and forth
BazzahK: thats half the fun
BazzahK: ya never know
BazzahK: ya clown car the shit outta it
BazzahK: theres like 19 people in every car

Me: "Dad, I'm just gonna give grandma the picture of Charlie (my dad's dog when he was litte. I did it for art) for christmas, oh yeah, you owe me some money for gas."

Papa K: "Ok that'll be our gift to them. Just write all our names on it."

Phillies721: haha a quesadilla?
KylWl8: yea haha
KylWl8: i should know that cuz im in spanish
KylWl8: but mrs langhoff sucks too much dick and cant teach

Senora K: "Mateo!"

[Matt Finke zooms by at like 20 mph]

Senora K: "Whoa, must be a silla nueva or something!"

Unnecsisary

Therefor

Mooks [in a trance, mumbling to himself]: "Y equals 37 over dy/dx... I can't even see right now...[squints]... goddamn I hate school!"

[me being a smartass]

Me: "Fishing. What're you doing for yours?"

Katie: "I already had mine. I'm a GIRL and I'm older than you! what do you got to say about that phil??"

Dad: "Olde English 800? Is that like Adidas?"

gymnastgrl1018: wut grade r u in
gymnastgrl1018: ??????????????????????????????????????????????????
BazzahK: judas, 12th, how old are you?
gymnastgrl1018: 10
gymnastgrl1018: how old r u?
BazzahK: you are 10 or in 10th grade?
gymnastgrl1018: 10 yrs old
BazzahK: oooo ok
gymnastgrl1018: wut highschool
gymnastgrl1018: ?
gymnastgrl1018: ???????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????

Beth: "I was choking.... choking on air"

BazzahK: i didnt misspell the word drunk, or the word misspell which means i know what i'm talking about
eweier11: hahahahhaha

 

HottMarty18: bart u gotta put the new byers quote on ur page man
BazzahK: which one
HottMarty18: the one where someone said "i think this is the only 4 arena complex in the US", and he goes "i think theres one in Canada"

BazzahK: yes, slip'n'slide definitely
INFIsadnessNITE: like the giant slip'n'slide at safety camp
BazzahK: WOW
INFIsadnessNITE: which was ironic because almost everyone got hurt on it
INFIsadnessNITE: and it was safety camp
BazzahK: that was nuts, remember how cold that shit was?  didnt they use a fire hose?
INFIsadnessNITE: yea man

 

Phillies721: i can't really remember safety camp
Phillies721: where was it at
Phillies721: im pretty sure i went though
BazzahK: some park
BazzahK: you gotta remember the damn slipnslide tho
Phillies721: yeah yeah
Phillies721: i do
BazzahK: thing was like 150 ft long and they used a fire hose down a steep ass hill
BazzahK: kids lives were in jeopardy

mlk07mlk07: Hey Barrett, this is Dad... are you online?
BazzahK: no i'm actually outside

HottMarty18: hey whos number is 233-225
BazzahK: thats 6 digits bro
HottMarty18: hahah damn ur right well someone tried dialing it
BazzahK: haha

"Don't open it, I don't want to lose the carbonation."
 - Byers & Powerade

Molly: "And anyway, two plus two is 5!"

[This is a second hand quote, it might not be perfect so i'll revise if necessary]

CourtyBear06: i am not having a smart day
CourtyBear06: so maybe i just dont get it
supergurl0723: lol theres nothing to get
supergurl0723: hahah god
supergurl0723: do you have smart days court?
CourtyBear06: im fuckin gonna have one tomrrow
CourtyBear06: cause i have a test
CourtyBear06 is away at 5:51:30 PM.
Auto response from CourtyBear06: preparing for the smart day

 

supergurl0723: it jsut keeps goin phil
supergurl0723: today at bball
supergurl0723: wade like pointed to adrea and hes like so meagan (something) here...like thats the girl that we play and hes saying how to defend her....and courtney comes out of her trance and she points and goes adrea.  thats it...and everyone jsut sat there in silence...

Mal: "Everyone at the catholic school is a lesbian!"

supergurl0723: even court was makin fun of her

[god I can't wait for spring]

Me: "Hey Bob, lemme get that left crutch, you take the right one."

[If anybody ever finds a left handed and right handed set of crutches, lemme know]

Witt: "Just think of it as a palabora..."

ME: yeahhh nicks going away for like a month to viEtnam...
ANNe: ohh really hes going off to WAr?

hahah anne that was liek 20 yearS agooo HAHA dumbass loove you

[Sorry to say but you're both retarded, the Vietnam war was in the 60's babe.]

CHUBSISTALKING: haha dont damn you
CHUBSISTALKING: me

Phillies721: another week they said
Phillies721: at least
T IvIoney08: well thats ok
T IvIoney08: cuz im settin a world record on tetris

Trier: "Whoa oops... uh that's called a squiggly squiggly" [erases...keeps on working.]

Billy: "So do you do it to Abbas too or does he just get you all the time"

Whitney: "Nah, I hit him too."

Trent: "Come get me from the back Whitney"

... takes him awhile to think about what he said

Munoz: "This is gonna be the greatest senior year I'm ever gonna have in my entire life!"

[out of how many?]

Carlson: "Yeah, so do you think Disaster behavior makes anarctic behavior??"

Coach Thomas: "Bell! you are just having a horrible day today aren't you? You can't make a pass for anything, and don't even try with it behind the net!"

Coach Thomas: "Oh don't bother doing pushups you'll just hurt yourself."

CHUBSISTALKING: yeah its like u walk in and if u dont look up your gunna run into a huge rack thing and its like a fuck maze i actually got lost and asked a clerk where the FUCK i was

Kyle Aymond: "Hi, my name is Kyle and I'm a Coyote."

[SOOOO close Kyle.]

[jose?]

Mrs. Mk: "Yeah i've had that experience before but this guy was on a trip... and we're not talking to San Diego, he was tripping."

Some Kid: "Wait so for the spaces do we fill in the bubbles?"

Mrs.Eich: "No. Don't fill in the bubbles, and for spaces especially don't fill in the slash marks, those are for halves like apartment numbers."

Annika Blaine: [says this to the person sittin next to her] "Yeah, just fill in the slash marked bubbles for the spaces."

 

Grogan: "I got hockey."

Tiff: "Oh, are you gonna play in the NFL?"

Lauren M: "Oh wait, somebody forgot the apostrophe."

[Puts the apostrophe like so: YOUR'E]

 

TBro107: i think iv gotten a 4 a 7 and a 10
Phillies721: a 4???
Phillies721: that's the lowest i've ever seen on a calc assignment
TBro107: jack pulled off a 2
Phillies721: you like put your name on it and that's it?
Phillies721: HAHAHA no way
TBro107: he did the whole thing too

TBro107: u should just see our corner we dont even bring notebooks

TBro107: we have a community calc book that we leave in the room

 

kiRScH 89: fiction is real and non fiction is fake

Phillies721: HAHAHAHAHAHAHA
kiRScH 89: WAIT FUCK

Kyle kid1234: yes phil , im not retarted

Phillies721: anything wrong with this

Kyle kid1234: I'm

Phillies721: keep trying
Kyle kid1234: hmm

[how come everybody can spell Retard but not Retarded?]

Phillies721: you gonna play
T IvIoney08: play what

Phillies721: soccer

T IvIoney08: no i aint doing nothing tonight
T IvIoney08: i have a pinched nerve
Phillies721: a pinched nerve?
T IvIoney08: ya in my neck
T IvIoney08: i stayed home from school yesterday
Phillies721: you'd be paralyzed dude
T IvIoney08: no, not like my neck, but like my neck mostly shoulder

 

Movie: "If you love sex, give me a hell yeah!"

Alyssa: "Hell yeah!"

Jenn: "Phil took my last piece, make out with him and steal it."

Heidi: "Ok phil, bend over... -Wait, that's not making out that's sex?"

Me: "...ok, your mom might have a collection of these at your house."

Holmay: "Barry White?"

Wally: "...Munoz"

Munoz: "Here."

Wally looks up: "...Really? and on time?"

Jenn: "she's got bronchitis and then it turned into um...something like 'peh-neh-mahn-ia'."

[pneumonia?!]

Bresher: "Yeah, sometimes I drive to Wilsons"

izzys023: hahah he goes to his garage sits in his car, backs it straight into wilsons drive way

Swanson: "Phil...you smell like art."

JB: "Did you see lukin?? He didn't even have EYES"

[Note: JB was messin with Lukin for 2 hrs like a little dog]

JB: "All he had was the green in his eyes!"

Tiff: "Would you like some cheese on that cheeseburger?"

Phillies721: score?
supergurl0723: haha yeah
supergurl0723: i had such a pretty goal
supergurl0723: it was all me and janine
supergurl0723: we work so well together..
supergurl0723: like we made runs off eachother all the way down the feild
supergurl0723: then i dribbled through like 4 poeple and nailed the side netting
Phillies721: nice
supergurl0723: it was one of my rather better ones
supergurl0723 signed off at 8:37:41 PM.

KylWl8: like always im sleepin in spanish class, molly sits infront of me and one day in a serious tone says, "kyle you know how goose is pluralized as geese, does moose turn into meese?"
KylWl8: is it a herd of meeses?

Mrs. Fiebelkorn: "Can you dust the pastel picture without glass in the frame?"

 

[It's in a mattress store, it really said: "Awake Renewed"...how's that for dyslexia?]

Tom: "Break Stuff. They just hand us a crow bar and tell us to go take out the bathroom."

Me: "Well, what's your title?"

Tom: "Deconstruction."

Mom: "Ok, well make sure you stop at home first and drop off that salad I gave you."

Alyssa: "Hey who's gay around here? That's weird cause gay people like it up the butt...but that's okay cause so do I."